On Restlessness

Restlessness has been present throughout my life. Lately, I have started to identify its influence on me.
For example, I love to blog on Blogger, but sometimes the feeling that I should head back to other platforms resurfaces and keeps on shouting at me until I start a blog on said platform and soon realize it is just not me 🙂
Another example: I am an avid journaler. Let’s say I have a journal that I really love to write in, and that really suits me at that moment in my life. Even though I love it, eventually restlessness will creep in. The restlessness is that thing, that relentless thing that keeps saying that something else might be better.
It says I miss writing in smaller journals because I can carry everything with me, or that I miss writing in A5 because I make a lot of art when I keep A5 journals.
This restlessness not only overcomes me with my journals but in a lot of other aspects of my life.
When I have my room decorated a certain way, the restlessness starts to meddle with my mind and one day I might just pick up everything and move everything around, only to end up on a later date moving my stuff back to the point where I started.
After having lived with restlessness for a long time, spending lots of energy figuring out what will silence the restlessness for a while, I recognize it for what it is.
It’s fear of contentment, it’s the feeling that the grass is always greener somewhere else, only to find the grass was really the greenest where I used to be.
And it’s time I stop giving in to this dissatisfaction. It’s time I just allow myself to be happy in a place. Whether it is the way the furniture in my office is arranged or which journal I use.
Instead, I will soothe the restlessness, by writing down what I feel and giving it a place on the pages of my journal instead of allowing it to steal my energy.
Because, ultimately, that is what restlessness really is, an energy stealer. Every time I decide my planner doesn’t work for me because reasons, I spend loads of energy trying to make it work so I won’t feel restless anymore.
I rather spend that energy on writing new blog posts 🙂

sylvia

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