I have something to share with the world. I’m going to write it down here on my blog because I know that one of my friends will read it and come to see me. I need someone to tell me I haven’t gone completely insane.
Let me come right out and say it: there’s an alien in my cupboard. He landed here three days ago and has been hiding in my cupboard ever since. He says he has been ordered to do so.
Quite frankly, he doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. He says he is waiting for the next mission call, but I think he fell in love with the taste of my home made granola.
He is a little bigger than my hand, for those who pictured me having a gigantic cupboard with a human-sized alien.
His space ship looks like a tea kettle.
In fact, I thought it was my tea kettle. I put it on the stove, and the alien jumped out and shouted that I burned his ass.
I think he believes he is here to save humanity. How a tiny alien —who, in my honest opinion, looks ridiculous, with his green skin, pudgy tummy, fluorescent yellow eyes and bright red lips— can do that without people falling over laughing, I have no idea.
So I sit here, eating what he left over for me from the granola, with a tiny alien staring menacingly at me from the shelves of my cupboard.
I think I have to make a new batch of granola.