This is a post that has been brewing within me for the last month, and probably a long time before that too without me being conscious of it.
What I needed was to become aware. To feel. To experience it deep within me, to dive deep into my fear and my lack of understanding before I could get to the point of sitting behind my desk and pounding my fingers on the keyboard to write.
The Fear Prison
This is a story about a woman in her fifties. She has had her share of crap medical stuff in her life, and it has made her feel down about herself. She feels that because her body isn’t well, she should stay at home and not do a thing to harm it further. Because her body might not be able to handle it.
Gradually, her life feels like a prison, jailed by the things that are wrong in her body and the fear to make it worse.
Then one day she realizes that she, and only she creates that prison. That she is the one who chooses to stay in bed instead of going downstairs to sit in her favorite spot and write.
She realizes that, out of fear to make the wrong decisions, she makes no decision at all. She realizes that fear of pain is no reason not to make art.
She realizes that in order to write her poetry, her pain is a magnificent guide.
She realizes that deep within her art shines her everlasting self, and that is so beautiful that she wants to cry.
She realizes that living in joy reflects well on her body, and even when pain flares she feels better when she is choosing to be happy.
She knows the world needs to hear her message of joy and play and love and peace. All she needs for that is her hands on the keyboard, her pen on the paper and her brush on the canvas.
She knows she is perfectly equipped for that task and smiles in realizing that.
That woman is me 🙂
And I am proud of myself for sitting here in my living room, the sun briefly playing on my face before hiding behind the clouds, my cat next to me blinking up at me and purring.
And I know, that through all my trials and tribulations there is one basic, incredible truth, and that is that I can choose between joy and fear, every moment in my life is that.
It is a choice that I can make time and time again, and even in my darkest moments, I can say, “I choose JOY!” and feel better because of that.
What fears keep you imprisoned?
What do you need to see in yourself to free yourself from it?