Somewhere in my head lives a victim

Being a creative adventurer sometimes means that you have to burst through pain with courage and creativity and come out of it much stronger than you were. I am using poetry to burst through some painful barriers in my head that have lived there for so long I thought they were part of me. I now realise I can break through them and kick them out.

Somewhere in my head lives a victim
Cowering, hiding in the darkness,
she screams in my head at times and
drags my body into her state of mind

She feels powerless and alone, knows
that what happened to her shaped her
and lets her be this creature that
makes me live in her space of abuse

I’m letting her go today, with love
with acceptance and with forgiveness
not to her, she did nothing wrong, but
to them, who shaped her into existence

They still live there too, rattling
with the keys to the lock of her door
They sit and watch her with a smile
basking in the hold they have over her

No more, I kick them out one by one
The boys who chased me, filled my mind
with their hatred and their lust, they
never had my body, but they had my mind

I kick out the uncle who constantly
commented that my boobs were too small
he was just a child inside, and I can
take away the key he holds and hug him

I kick out the neighbour, who thought
being a friend of my parents meant he
could get to touch me or fill my head
with all his sexual crap and filth

I kick out the girls who made me feel like
abuse was normal, who made me think that I
was such an ugly creature that I should
be happy any man would want to touch me

They are gone and I realize there is
still one person holding a key and
that person is me, I chose to hide
her so I wouldn’t have to remember

The cell can now open, the victim
can disappear in me and become part of
the immensely strong woman that I am,
I can leap into the rest of my life

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